Caring for You, the Caregiver
Six tips for staying strong and sane as you take on a new role.
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Over the last decade, Hawaii’s 60-plus population grew almost three times as fast as fast as the national average, with only a handful of states exceeding our elderly growth rates. In 1980, older adults represented 12 percent of the total population; by 2030 one in every four residents will be over 60.
Elder care usually falls to a daughter or son, many of whom are or will find themselves in the sandwich generation, simultaneously providing care for parents and children. While challenging, experts say there are things you can do to ease the transition:
If family members are unavailable, a wide range of free and fee-based services is available. These range from to adult day-care to help with bathing to Meals on Wheels, which provides nutritious daily meals to homebound seniors. Go to www.elderlyaffairs.com/portals/10/docs/2008familycaregivingguide.pdf to learn more.
“You just need to figure out what you like to do and then carve out some time for that, even if it takes arranging to get some respite,” says Hathaway. “That’s a tough thing to do, but it’s really important. If we get to the point where the caregiver has health issues and needs taking care of, which is not unheard of, then you’ve really got a problem.”
If you’re about to blow your top, experts suggest taking five to eight deep breaths to cool hot emotions: Inhale through your nose, follow your breath down to your belly and slowly exhale through your mouth.
In addition: Avoid people or situations that unnecessarily stress you out; learn how to say no; pare down your to-do list by distinguishing between “shoulds” and “musts”; manage your time more wisely by planning ahead and making sure you don’t overextend yourself; express your feelings instead of holding them in; remember that perfect is the opposite of good and adjust your standards; reframe your problems and see the silver lining in even the toughest of situations; and finally, accept the things you can’t change.
Elder care usually falls to a daughter or son, many of whom are or will find themselves in the sandwich generation, simultaneously providing care for parents and children. While challenging, experts say there are things you can do to ease the transition:
1 Delegate responsibility.
The best place to start is with other family members. Schedule a meeting to determine needs as well as family members’ availability. Discuss and allocate caregiving tasks that must be accomplished on a daily or weekly basis. While you might be the primary caregiver, others may be able to provide care on weekends or handle bill paying. Even if living afar, a sibling could help pay for needed services.If family members are unavailable, a wide range of free and fee-based services is available. These range from to adult day-care to help with bathing to Meals on Wheels, which provides nutritious daily meals to homebound seniors. Go to www.elderlyaffairs.com/portals/10/docs/2008familycaregivingguide.pdf to learn more.
2 Accept help.
“It’s often difficult for us to accept help, but when people offer to help, take them up on it,” says Kupuna Education Coordinator Toni Hathaway. “Tell them exactly what you’d like them to do. People don’t necessarily know how to help. Say something like, ‘Would it work for you to bring us dinner on Thursday nights?’ or ‘Could you visit with my mom for an hour-and-a-half on Tuesday while I run out and do errands?’ Give them a task that is specific and time-limited.”3 Build a support network.
Not only is caregiving physically demanding, it’s equally taxing on your emotions. To cope, build a support network. Friends may face similar circumstances. Share resources, care tips and frustrations with each other. Consider joining a caregiver support group. Go to www.elderlyaffairs.com/portals/10/docs/2008familycaregivingguide.pdf and look under Caregiver Support Groups—General.4 Take time out for yourself.
To avoid burnout, it’s important to get enough sleep, eat well, and enlist the help of others. It’s also essential to remember to laugh (it helps combat stress) and take time out for yourself every day—even if only for 10 minutes. Whether you go for a walk, read, garden or just enjoy a cup of tea with friends, make sure to make time for you.“You just need to figure out what you like to do and then carve out some time for that, even if it takes arranging to get some respite,” says Hathaway. “That’s a tough thing to do, but it’s really important. If we get to the point where the caregiver has health issues and needs taking care of, which is not unheard of, then you’ve really got a problem.”
5 Manage your stress.
One of the most frequent complaints of caregivers is increased stress. For everyone’s sake, it’s imperative to adopt productive strategies to manage it. Regular exercise and relaxation techniques like meditation or tai chi or prayer are good remedies.If you’re about to blow your top, experts suggest taking five to eight deep breaths to cool hot emotions: Inhale through your nose, follow your breath down to your belly and slowly exhale through your mouth.
In addition: Avoid people or situations that unnecessarily stress you out; learn how to say no; pare down your to-do list by distinguishing between “shoulds” and “musts”; manage your time more wisely by planning ahead and making sure you don’t overextend yourself; express your feelings instead of holding them in; remember that perfect is the opposite of good and adjust your standards; reframe your problems and see the silver lining in even the toughest of situations; and finally, accept the things you can’t change.
6 Keep open lines of communication.
Caregiving is a work in progress. As you work towards establishing new routines, coordinating care, and adjusting to a significant change in lifestyle, keep communication open and respectfully honest between you, other caregivers, and your loved one to minimize anger, resentment and misunderstanding. Express your feelings, talk out your differences, really listen to each other, and aim for compromise.